About Us

This is the blog site for the Book Facts of Life: ten issues of contentment.  It is intended to provide a contact point with the authors and to provide a discussion site for questions or observations about the book or life in general. All are welcome. Respect is required.

We will provide some bios about each of us as we get the time, and the inclination.

Consiliom website
Michael C. Graham website
Sandy Graham website

11 thoughts on “About Us

  1. Hi Mike, I am really excited to read through your book! Do you think its best to work through one chapter at a time and apply the information? Or should I read cover to cover and then work on application?

    1. Hey Lauren. Sorry it took me so long to respond. I still have clearly not figured out how to manage the span filter on this thing. I am told it is better to read through the whole thing and then use it as a reference. It was not written with any particular strategy in mind. The concepts do build on one another though so I think reading the whole thing, at least through page 191, would work best. After page 191 the ten facts are discussed in the context of various problems. I don’t see why you would need to read all of these if you are not having problems in those areas. I could be wrong however. I am discovering that writing a book like this is different than reading it 🙂

  2. Hi Mike!

    I loved reading your book and will read it once more, to grasp more of the details, too!

    I especially loved the following Topics/sentences:

    1. Of the 10 Facts, they all apply but at the moment, I can relate most to Facts No. 3, 6 and 10 and I hope I will make progress in 2 and 8, this is difficult for me, sometimes being overwhelmed by negative thoughts or a big heavy tiredness. I will Keep trying.

    2. I love that you have so many real life examples in your book, the story about Susan touched me most, I could really relate to it. Also, Sam’s story touched me a lot.

    3. The chapter about Resentment and forgiveness and the sentence “Forgiveness is about my claiming the rest of my life despite what someone has done to me.” This sentence is just beautiful! I have never thought about it this way and to be shown this perspective by you is just great. Thank you!

    I will give some more feedback soon!

    Anna

    1. I just had two clients this week who are torturing themselves with resentment because they cannot forgive. It is really sad to see someone give up even a part of their contentment this way. Some people sacrifice their whole life to this kind of unnecessary misery.

      1. Yes, I totally agree with you on that!
        You have to learn, that forgving doesn’t mean you suddenly are ok with what the person has done. It is stopping the impact the event/s have on your present life.

  3. I have been working on some anxiety and sadness issues and frequently use the “thought report” concept. Just wondered how important it is to physically write the reports, rather than just making mental notes. This comes up many times a day…..Thanks for any guidance….

    1. This is actually a very good question. The answer as to how important it is to write down thought reports depends on where you are in the process. Writing them down is especially important in the beginning. First because it help us clarify our thinking and it enables us to spot errors. Secondly it seems to reduce the amount of time it takes to build this kind of thinking into a habit. That is the goal, to make our automatic thinking include more functional patterns. Once I begin to automatically ask myself “How am I making myself feel this way about that?” (Instead of the deadly “How does that make me feel this way?”) then it is not really necessary to write them down anymore.

      If you are working with a therapist or coach, writing them down is especially important because it lets the therapist into your head and provides a platform for coaching. I usually ask clients to do two a day and bring them to sessions. Clients who do this will usually not need written forms after a few weeks. Although there are times I still write things out myself when I get lost. Seeing it on the page helps clarify my thinking and my priorities. That is actually how I started writing the book. Just jotting down a few things to clarify.

      A caution. Not every feeling should be subjected to a thought report kind of analysis. Functional emotions need to be noticed and experienced completely. When you say sadness it makes me think of grief. Grief is a normal, albeit unpleasant, emotion. There is no technique to make the pain of loss go away. We have to feel it and process it and move through it. Thought reports should only be used to either help to classify a feeling as functional or dysfunctional or to help manage feelings we have already classified as dysfunctional. They cannot provide any kind of shortcut or avoidance mechanism for functional emotional experiences.

      So the purpose of down thought reports is first to clarify our thinking and to provide better error checking and, second to help build this approach into a habit of thinking. Once these goals are met there is no need to write them down at all.

      1. Thanks Mike, that is much more than I was looking for and additional clarifying guidance into the process. “I’m working on it” as they say.
        George

        1. Sorry I just found your response in the spam folder which I don’t understand. Clearly I have more to learn about managing a blog.

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